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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Area Man Unsure If He’s Male-Bonding Or Being Bullied

Perplexed local man Russell Chambliss has no idea if the coworkers seated with him at Malone’s Irish Tavern are attempting to forge a male bond with him or cruelly harassing him, the 26-year-old shipping clerk told reporters Wednesday evening.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Koren Robinson Promises His Next Drunk-Driving Incident Will Outdo Steve Foley's

GREEN BAY, WI—Troubled Packers wide receiver/kick returner Koren Robinson reacted to news of San Diego Chargers' linebacker Steve Foley's shooting during a recent DUI arrest by promising fans that his own upcoming alcohol-fueled rampage would eclipse Foley's. "Mark my words, man, Foley's .233 blood-alcohol level don't mean nothin' to a veteran like me," said Robinson, who was recently acquired by the Packers after a drunk-driving arrest prompted his release from the Minnesota Vikings. "Now, getting shot three times is pretty good, but believe me, the way they're gonna have to bring me down? National news a week straight, believe it." Despite his guarantee, Robinson would not comment on whether he had set his sights on surpassing Lawrence Taylor's all-time carousing legacy.

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