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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Koren Robinson Promises His Next Drunk-Driving Incident Will Outdo Steve Foley's

GREEN BAY, WI—Troubled Packers wide receiver/kick returner Koren Robinson reacted to news of San Diego Chargers' linebacker Steve Foley's shooting during a recent DUI arrest by promising fans that his own upcoming alcohol-fueled rampage would eclipse Foley's. "Mark my words, man, Foley's .233 blood-alcohol level don't mean nothin' to a veteran like me," said Robinson, who was recently acquired by the Packers after a drunk-driving arrest prompted his release from the Minnesota Vikings. "Now, getting shot three times is pretty good, but believe me, the way they're gonna have to bring me down? National news a week straight, believe it." Despite his guarantee, Robinson would not comment on whether he had set his sights on surpassing Lawrence Taylor's all-time carousing legacy.

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