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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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KurrencyKook.com Gives New $100 Bill Mixed Review

WASHINGTON—Currency-themed website KurrencyKook.com weighed in on the Department of the Treasury’s soon-to-be-released 2013 line of $100 bills with a decidedly mixed review Thursday. “Overall, the bill is crisp and the inking is neatly done, and yet I can’t help but see this entire redesign as a bit of a missed opportunity,” said veteran currency reviewer John “The Buck” Mullen, who gave the banknote “62 cents out of 100” in his 1,100-word write-up. “The fine-line printing on the Benjamin Franklin portrait on its obverse is excellent, without a doubt, but ultimately, this only mildly pleasing bill is far from the Treasury’s best effort. It leaves one wondering, the farther away we get from the stunning 1996 redesign, if the Treasury will ever again match those lofty heights.” KurrencyKook’s review contrasted sharply with that of rival site MoneyManDan.com, which claimed the new bill was “the kind of legal tender design you dream about: elegant, forward-thinking—and, if I may, this baby looks like a million bucks.”

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