adBlockCheck

Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
End Of Section
  • More News

Kushner Frantically Searching Desk Drawer For Bold Solutions To Today’s Most Pressing Issues

WASHINGTON—Cursing under his breath as he dug through the assorted documents and folders, Senior Advisor to the President Jared Kushner was frantically searching a desk drawer Wednesday for bold solutions to today’s most pressing issues. “I could have sworn I put my trailblazing approaches to ushering in a new era of prosperity in here somewhere,” said Kushner as he pulled out random sheets of paper and quickly scanned them in hopes some might contain his strategy for bringing the Israeli-Palestinian conflict to a swift, peaceful conclusion or his innovative approach to battling the nation’s opioid epidemic. “Come on, come on. I just saw my visionary infrastructure plan that would create jobs for millions of Americans like a week ago—maybe it’s in the car? Couldn’t hurt to look there at this point.” At press time, Kushner was still unable to locate his notes for dissuading his father-in-law from taking such a soft stance toward neo-Nazism but ultimately decided he wasn’t too excited about that project anyway.

More from this section

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close