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Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
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Kyle Shanahan Admits Mother Helped Design Most Of Redskins Offensive Plays

WASHINGTON—Conceding that designing plays is a difficult task, Redskins offensive coordinator Kyle Shanahan admitted Thursday that his mother, Peggy, helped him create most of the formations, schemes, and strategies in the Washington playbook. "My mom is so nice about it. I sometimes have trouble figuring out the blocking—especially what to do with the guards—and she always helps me, no problem," said Shanahan, adding that his mother is "way, way better" at getting Robert Griffin III space to run. "I'd ask my dad, but lots of times he gets upset that I can't figure things out, instead of just helping me and making me feel good." Kyle Shanahan, who confirmed that he talks to his mother on his headset during games, said that she offers encouragement as well as advice on how to get the tight ends more involved.

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MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

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