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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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L.A. Mayor Pledges To Eat Sackful Of New York Garbage If Kings Lose Stanley Cup

LOS ANGELES—In keeping with the traditional friendly wager that typically accompanies the Stanley Cup Finals, Los Angeles mayor Eric Garcetti announced Wednesday that he has pledged to eat an entire sackful of New York City garbage if the Kings lose the series. “With the Kings just one victory away from the Cup, I thought I’d make things interesting by promising to chow down on some of the Big Apple’s finest refuse if the Rangers manage to come back from three games down and beat us,” Garcetti told reporters, noting that in the event that the Rangers win the championship, the conditions of his bet with New York mayor Bill de Blasio require him to don a Henrik Lundqvist jersey and consume the contents of a trash bag filled to the brim with rotten food, cigarette butts, empty milk cartons dripping with an unidentified brown liquid, and other waste from all five boroughs. “Fortunately, I don’t think it’s going to come to that, not with our Kings on the ice representing the greatest city in the world. But, hey, may the best team win. Go Kings Go!” Garcetti went on to say that should L.A. prevail in the finals, de Blasio must accede to the terms of the wager by choking down an entire Hawaiian BBQ Chicken pizza from California Pizza Kitchen.

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