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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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LaDainian Tomlinson Enters Camp In Top Week-3, 2nd-Quarter, 4th-Offensive-Series Form

CORTLAND, NY—Jets coaches praised the conditioning of 10-year veteran LaDainian Tomlinson Monday, saying the running back showed up for camp in the shape typical of a player midway through the fourth offensive series of the second quarter of the third game of the season. "We were worried that he'd come to camp looking like a player in the third series of the fourth quarter during a Week 15 game, third down, four yards to go, deep in his own territory with the clock running. It's a concern, given his age," head coach Rex Ryan told reporters. "At best, we expected him to work out like a running back in the ninth play of a clock-burning drive in the second quarter on the road against a division opponent's 4-3 defense that has been sniffing out the play-action all day, but LaDainian's fitness is a nice surprise." Reporters observing the Jets' workout say the rest of the team's offense is playing at its usual second-week-of-summer-school-at-a-technical-college level.

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