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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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LaDainian Tomlinson To Play Next Game Without A Groin

SAN DIEGO—Chargers running back LaDainian Tomlinson, who was forced to leave last week's game in the second quarter after aggravating a groin injury, announced Wednesday that he will play Sunday's game against Pittsburgh without the aid of his groin. "The team will need me against the Steelers, and I can't afford to let my groin hold me back, so the groin is staying on the bench for this one," said Tomlinson, who made the decision against the recommendation of team doctors. "I would have just bit it off on the sidelines last week, like Ronnie Lott did with his pinkie that one time, but [running back] Darren [Sproles] told me he had the situation under control, and he did. That's one I owe him." Tomlinson's decision to play without a vital part of his anatomy is being compared to former Lions running back Barry Sanders' decision to play his entire career without his skeleton.

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