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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Laffy Taffy Sponsors Every Cobblestone At 9/11 Memorial

One of the thousands of commemorative Laffy Taffy 9/11 cobblestones.
One of the thousands of commemorative Laffy Taffy 9/11 cobblestones.

NEW YORK—The makers of Laffy Taffy, a chewy fruit-flavored candy known for the lighthearted jokes printed on each wrapper, announced Tuesday they would pay tribute to the victims of 9/11 by sponsoring every single cobblestone at the World Trade Center memorial. "No one can ever forget the events of that tragic day, and Laffy Taffy is proud to honor the families of our fallen heroes," a company spokesperson said at a press conference held near Ground Zero in Lower Manhattan. "When we chisel the words 'Laffy Taffy' into each eternal stone on this sacred ground, we will show the citizens of our great, enduring nation that despite any calamity, they can always count on Laffy Taffy." Company sources also confirmed that victims of the famine in Somalia had received more than 10,000 pounds of Laffy Taffy.

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