Laffy Taffy Writer Disdains Bazooka

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Grin Slowly Spreads Across Mom’s Face As Meal Revealed To Contain Healthy Ingredients

‘The Mashed Potatoes Are Actually Made With Cauliflower,’ She Announces

VERONA, WI—Having waited until everyone at the table had finished their dinner Monday, a knowing grin reportedly spread across local mother Angela Hopkins’ face as she announced to her family that the mashed potatoes had in fact been made using cauliflower as a healthier alternative.
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Local Household Announces Plans To Overdo Halloween Again

HIGHLAND PARK, IL—Having hauled over a dozen boxes of lights and plastic decorations as well as a large black-cat-shaped lawn inflatable from storage, members of the Hutchcroft family announced to neighbors from their front yard Thursday their plan to completely overdo Halloween again this year.

Laffy Taffy Writer Disdains Bazooka

ITASCA, IL—Bruce Palmer, a writer and editor for Nestle's "Laffy Taffy" line of joke-bearing fruit-flavored chews, holds Topps Bazooka gum and its line of complimentary comic art in sneering contempt, he revealed Monday. "Don't get me wrong: In the Golden Age of the 1970s and 1980s, Bazooka Joe was amazing—a big influence on me," the 43-year-old Palmer said. "But when Topps went all corporate, and the P.C. suits made them dump [sombrero-clad mischief-maker] Pesty, it all went downhill." Palmer went on to dismiss Bazooka as "a stain on the proud literary genre of candy-wrapper humor."