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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Laid-Off Pittsburgh Mill Worker To Put Off Suicide Until After Super Bowl

PITTSBURGH—Recently laid-off steelworker and football fan Marcus Aniello announced that he would postpone his impending suicide attempt until after the Steelers take on the Arizona Cardinals in Super Bowl XLIII. "I was going to spare myself the shame of coming home to my family every day and telling them I still hadn't found a job, but I kinda wanna see what Big Ben [Roethlisberger] can do against that sorry excuse for a defense," Aniello said on a recent trip to the gun shop. "Normally I would have thrown myself in the blast furnace the day I got laid off, but the Steelers had clinched the AFC North the day before, and then I watched them beat the Ravens from the top of the Fort Duquesne Bridge, and here we are. Their logo being the same as the American Iron and Steel Institute's kind of makes me want to cry a little every time I see it, and if they lose.... Well, you know." Should the Steelers win, Aniello plans to attend the victory parade and swallow a bottle of sleeping pills during the Pirates' Opening Day game.

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