adBlockCheck

Recent News

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
End Of Section
  • More News

Laid-Off Zoologist Goes On Tranquilizing Rampage

SAN DIEGO—Twelve San Diego Zoo visitors and two employees were brutally sedated Monday, when laid-off zoologist Dr. Brian Vermeer, 41, returned to his former place of work armed with a tranquilizer gun and began firing into a crowd. "It was kind of horrible," said Maria Christopher, 44, who witnessed the tranquilizing spree. "People were gently falling asleep over the course of 20 to 30 seconds everywhere." The spree ended when Vermeer turned his gun on himself, knocking himself out for half an hour.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close