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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Lakers Accidentally Trade For 7-Inch-Tall Center Dwink Howard

LOS ANGELES—An embarrassed Lakers management called a press conference Friday morning to announce they had accidentally orchestrated a four-team deal to acquire 7-inch center Dwink Howard, instead of 7-foot center Dwight Howard, as they had intended. "Clearly Dwink doesn't bring quite as much to the table as Dwight would have, but we're trying to remain positive and focus on how much Dwink will improve the atmosphere around here," said Lakers general manager Mitch Kupchak, referring to Dwink Howard's proclivity for boosting team morale with his squeaky inspirational speeches and teensy locker room hijinks. "He just might be the tiny piece we need to help us win another NBA championship. And now that Andrew Bynum’s gone, we don't have to worry so much about somebody smooshing him." Kupchak closed the press conference by suggesting the Lakers were attempting to offset Thursday's mistake with an attempt to acquire 70-foot power forward/center Emega Okafor from the Wizards.

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