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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Lakers GM Claims Mike D'Antoni Had More Impressive Cover Letter Than Phil Jackson

LOS ANGELES—Following his team’s surprising decision not to hire Phil Jackson as its new head coach, Lakers general manager Mitch Kupchak told reporters Tuesday that Mike D’Antoni had won the job by sending an incredibly polished, well-written, and far superior cover letter. “Mike really blew us away when he described his 10 years of NBA head coaching experience and his specific ideas for improving our offense,” said Kupchak, adding that the former Knicks coach also included Steve Nash, Mike Krzyzewski, and Steve Kerr as professional references, while Jackson’s letter was only a half page of double-spaced text containing numerous typos. “Frankly, Phil didn’t put a whole lot of effort into his application. In the skills section, he just wrote ‘superior communication abilities’ and ‘thriving in a fast-paced environment,’ which don’t really mean anything. Also, I think he repurposed an old letter, because it was addressed to a ‘Mr. Krause.’” At press time, upon verifying Jackson’s employment history, Kupchak confirmed that the Hall of Fame coach had lied on his résumé about having won 19 NBA championships.

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