Lakers GM Claims Mike D'Antoni Had More Impressive Cover Letter Than Phil Jackson

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Vol 48 Issue 46

Sunday, November 18

Smelly Randall will be in Roosevelt Park yelling at pigeons from 3 p.m. to 5 p.m., after which he’ll hold a brief Q&A.

Cool New Lakers Coach Doesn't Make Team Play Defense

LOS ANGELES—The mood in the Los Angeles Lakers’ locker room was upbeat this morning as players were reportedly enthusiastic about new head coach Mike D’Antoni’s policy of never forcing them to play any defense whatsoever.
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Lakers GM Claims Mike D'Antoni Had More Impressive Cover Letter Than Phil Jackson

LOS ANGELES—Following his team’s surprising decision not to hire Phil Jackson as its new head coach, Lakers general manager Mitch Kupchak told reporters Tuesday that Mike D’Antoni had won the job by sending an incredibly polished, well-written, and far superior cover letter. “Mike really blew us away when he described his 10 years of NBA head coaching experience and his specific ideas for improving our offense,” said Kupchak, adding that the former Knicks coach also included Steve Nash, Mike Krzyzewski, and Steve Kerr as professional references, while Jackson’s letter was only a half page of double-spaced text containing numerous typos. “Frankly, Phil didn’t put a whole lot of effort into his application. In the skills section, he just wrote ‘superior communication abilities’ and ‘thriving in a fast-paced environment,’ which don’t really mean anything. Also, I think he repurposed an old letter, because it was addressed to a ‘Mr. Krause.’” At press time, upon verifying Jackson’s employment history, Kupchak confirmed that the Hall of Fame coach had lied on his résumé about having won 19 NBA championships.

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