Lakers Great Karl Malone Inducted Into Hall Of Fame

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Vol 46 Issue 14

MLB Opening Day Marred By Strikeouts

NEW YORK—Players, coaches, fans, and Commissioner Bud Selig expressed concern for the state of professional baseball Monday after MLB's highly anticipated Opening Day was "completely ruined" by a rash of strikeouts that began during the afternoon games and didn't end until the day was over.

Presidential First Pitches

The president throwing out the ceremonial first pitch is as revered a tradition as anything in America. We look at some of the most memorable.
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FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Lakers Great Karl Malone Inducted Into Hall Of Fame

SPRINGFIELD, MA—The Basketball Hall of Fame announced Monday that All-Star power forward and Los Angeles Lakers legend Karl Malone will be inducted into its hallowed halls this August. "It's an honor, it really is," said "The Mailman," whose well-documented tandem with all-time Laker great Gary Payton helped lead the team all the way to the Finals in 2004. "I never could have done this without my teammates." Malone, who averaged 13.2 points during his legendary run with the Lakers, heads a Hall of Fame class that also includes Portland Trail Blazers star Scottie Pippen.

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