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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.
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Lamar Odom Representative Denies Basketball Player Missing

‘He’s In A Crack House,’ Agent Assures Media

LOS ANGELES—Following numerous unofficial reports that former Los Angeles Lakers forward and current free agent Lamar Odom has gone missing, a representative for the basketball player sought to quash the speculation surrounding his client and his whereabouts Tuesday, assuring reporters that Odom is safe and sound in a local crack house. “There have been a lot of rumors flying around about Lamar lately, so I just want to make it perfectly clear that he hasn’t gone missing; he just hasn’t been seen recently because he’s smoking crack in a crack house,” said Odom’s agent Jeff Schwartz, clarifying that the two-time NBA champion has, since his supposed disappearance, been spending time in a burned-out apartment building in Los Angeles’ Inglewood neighborhood, which Schwartz described as “Lamar’s favorite crack house.” “While I know a lot of people have expressed concern that Lamar hasn’t been heard from in a few days, I want to emphasize that there’s absolutely no cause for alarm here. Like I said, he’s just in a crack house, smoking crack with a bunch of other people who are also smoking crack. He does this all the time.” Schwartz added that the reason his client is smoking crack is because he’s addicted to crack.

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