Lance Armstrong's Endurance Tested By Sheryl Crow Concert

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Vol 42 Issue 02

Bowl Week Highlights

The 2005-2006 NCAA football season culminated with a week of unusually memorable college bowl games. What are the most notable moments?

New York Jets Finish Season

RUTHERFORD, NJ—Despite the doubts of many football fans, media figures, and people within the Jets organization itself, the New York Jets have indeed finished their entire 2005-2006 season.

Pete Rose Caught Trying To Get Inducted Into Hall Of Fame Under Assumed Name

COOPERSTOWN, NY—The Baseball Writers Association of America announced that the "former Cincinnati Reds superstar" and "quiet, unassuming model citizen" by the name of "Pat Rosenburg," whose career statistics merited Hall of Fame consideration, was revealed by investigators to be a desperate, mustachioed, glasses-wearing Pete Rose.
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Lance Armstrong's Endurance Tested By Sheryl Crow Concert

DALLAS—Seven-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong found his endurance stretched "almost to the breaking point" last Friday by a three-hour, 30-song concert presented by his fiancée, pop-folk singer Sheryl Crow. "It was a pretty tough slog," Armstrong told reporters after the event, which he was obligated to attend as part of his new role as Crow's future husband. "I was really straining around ‘The First Cut Is The Deepest'—I don't mind telling you, I just couldn't catch my breath. When we reached 'All I Wanna Do (Is Have Some Fun),' I felt like I'd been through that territory about a million times, and I seriously considered just giving up and collapsing for the first time in my career." Armstrong, who is revered by millions for fighting through cancer, antagonism from abusive fans, and steroid-abuse allegations, would not comment on whether this latest obstacle would prove too much for him to overcome.
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