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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Land Before Time VI Released Straight To Landfill

HOLLYWOOD, CA–In a gala Hollywood burial, The Land Before Time VI: The Secret Of Saurus Rock, the latest installment in Universal Pictures' and Amblin Entertainment's long-running animated series, was released straight to landfill Tuesday. "For the first time ever, we're bypassing video stores and taking this beloved Don Bluth family adventure series directly to its biggest market," Universal Pictures spokesperson Marianne Fordson said. More than 250,000 copies of The Land Before Time VI were released from a dumptruck and buried under 950 tons of dirt and refuse in the L.A. Department of Sanitation's dump site in Hollywood. "Join us in welcoming this funny, heartwarming dino-tale to the bottom of an enormous mound of trash," read a press release for the film.

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