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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Landlord Not Convinced Heat Isn't Working

QUEENS, NY—Despite urgent pleas to the contrary, landlord Arnold Ngyuen remained unconvinced that the heat in Ted Myer's apartment is not on, the 57-year-old building owner said in a telephone conversation with the tenant Monday. "No, it's on, all right," said Ngyuen, audibly displaying his disbelief in 26-year-old Myers' repeated assertions that he was "freezing." Ngyuen bolstered his claim by explaining that the thermostat was replaced just two years ago, that the upstairs neighbors haven't said anything, and the fact that you shouldn't pump too much heat in there anyway because its just going to dry you out. "You didn't mess with the valve, did you? Because you're not supposed to mess with the valve." Ngyuen then put Myers on hold in order to go check with maintenance guy Carlos, who immediately confirmed that Myers' heat was definitely on.
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