Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Larry Fitzgerald Confident He Has Couple Lousy Seasons That Undercut Entire Career Left In Him

GLENDALE, AZ—Saying he was not ready to hang up his cleats just yet, Arizona Cardinals wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald told reporters Wednesday that he’s confident he still has a couple lousy seasons that undercut his entire career left in him. “I might be 33, but I can still put up a few 300-yard seasons where I miss enough games that people slowly forget just how incredible a player I was,” said Fitzgerald, who claimed he was physically and mentally prepared to tarnish his Hall of Fame career by hanging around two seasons too long before being forced into retirement by a debilitating injury. “Everyone here knows I can still contribute by failing to shake cornerbacks I used to blow by, or grabbing the occasional touchdown that gives people a mere glimpse of my former self. I definitely have enough serviceable three-catch performances left in the tank to make sure that’s how people always remember me.” Fitzgerald added that he hopes to eventually ride off into the sunset by playing a minor role on a Cardinals team that starts the season red-hot before missing the playoffs entirely.

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