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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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Laser Pointer Aimed Toward Space In 1997 Finally Annoying Planet 13 Light-Years Away

ZORAXION CITY, IMPERIAL HOMEWORLD—A laser pointer directed at the night sky by a young human in 1997 has finally reached the home planet of the Zoraxian race and is "annoying the hell out of everybody," sources on the alien planet reported Tuesday. "What is that irritating dot?" Zoraxian Emperor Fi'ar Shal Shoka communicated in a telepathic message delivered to the outer edges of the Throndastural Sands. "It's pointed right at my facial genitalia. This is so embarrassing." At press time, irritated Zoraxian military personnel were hard at work building a giant megalaser designed to incinerate the source planet of the irritation.

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