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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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Last Living California Raisin Dies Of Prostate Cancer

BEVERLY HILLS, CA—Beebop, the percussionist and last surviving member of the 1980s R&B supergroup The California Raisins, died Thursday following a lengthy battle with prostate cancer, multiple sources confirmed this morning. “With a heavy heart, we announce that beloved recording artist Beebop passed away yesterday surrounded by friends and family, culminating a long and colorful career that spanned music, television, and film,” read a press statement from Rudy Bagaman, the group’s longtime manager. “From his rhythmic accompaniment and backing vocals on the Raisins’ hit ‘I Heard It Through The Grapevine,’ to his unforgettable work on numerous broadcast commercials and specials, Beebop’s legacy will endure for generations to come. Our thoughts are with his widow and children at this difficult time.” The California Raisins’ bassist, Stretch, died of liver disease in 2004, while fellow bandmates Red and A.C. famously perished in a Los Angeles nightclub fire in 1998.

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