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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Last Month Apparently Women's History Month

ATLANTA–According to an ad in a March issue of Bon Appetit magazine lying around dermatologist Dr. Ira Haas' waiting room, March was, apparently, Women's History Month. "I had no idea," said Gail Travis, who happened to come across the ad, which read, "Join Almay In Celebrating Women's History Month," while waiting to see Haas. "That's the first I'd heard of it. Oh, well, guess I missed it." People across the nation are equally surprised. "Are you sure? I thought it was Black History Month," said Timothy Durkee of Wayzata, MN. "Or maybe that was February." Liz Unger, CEO of Almay Cosmetics and co-chair of the Women's History Month Project, described the month-long celebration of "women's remarkable contributions through the ages" as an "unqualified success."

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