adBlockCheck

Last Week's Trek Pretty Awesome

Top Headlines

Entertainment

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Last Week's Trek Pretty Awesome

LOS ANGELES—Last week's Trek—a Next Generation rerun in which the crew of the Enterprise is transported beyond all known dimensions of time and space by a semi-godlike alien evolved beyond all human comprehension—was "pretty awesome," according to reports. "Worf learned a valuable lesson about his adoptive human parents when a hologram created by the energy being confronted him with his troubled past," said longtime Trekker and part-time pizza delivery driver Brad Sponel. "It was pretty awesome." Sources also say that Picard and Crusher almost kissed during a mind-meld sequence, but stopped at the last minute.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close