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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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"Late Inning Drama" Episode Guide

Episode 1: Odd Manager Out

The Arrows have a new manager, but he's not what he seems. Masters thinks there's a killer on the team, but all his evidence is circumstantial. Meanwhile he's giving up monstrous home runs. Will the team crack their losing streak… and the case?

Episode 2: Revenge Out Of Left Field

A dark figure from Wally's past comes back for revenge. The Arrows' skipper put him away when he was FBI but now this demented former mobster is back for revenge, having won a spot as a DH on the Stallions. Brimford is on two different dates at once.

Episode 3: In A Pinch

Wally lifts Sampson for Fell even though Sampson kills lefties… has he actually killed another one? Masters goes to bat for his platooned teammate, but even he has his suspicions. Joel McHale guest stars.

Episode 4: Framed On The Outside Corner

Scott Masters has had his problems with Wally Wright in the past… but is he a killer? Masters doesn't think so, and now he has to race against the clock or his manager gets a lethal injection on the field. Brimford's mother-in-law is emasculating him.

Episode 5: Extra Killings

It's the longest game of the season and Arrows are dropping like flies. Who's killing everyone? Pitching coach Al Jeffers has a theory, but that long walk to the pitcher's mound may take away those precious seconds he needs.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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