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Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
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"Late Inning Drama" Episode Guide

Episode 1: Odd Manager Out

The Arrows have a new manager, but he's not what he seems. Masters thinks there's a killer on the team, but all his evidence is circumstantial. Meanwhile he's giving up monstrous home runs. Will the team crack their losing streak… and the case?

Episode 2: Revenge Out Of Left Field

A dark figure from Wally's past comes back for revenge. The Arrows' skipper put him away when he was FBI but now this demented former mobster is back for revenge, having won a spot as a DH on the Stallions. Brimford is on two different dates at once.

Episode 3: In A Pinch

Wally lifts Sampson for Fell even though Sampson kills lefties… has he actually killed another one? Masters goes to bat for his platooned teammate, but even he has his suspicions. Joel McHale guest stars.

Episode 4: Framed On The Outside Corner

Scott Masters has had his problems with Wally Wright in the past… but is he a killer? Masters doesn't think so, and now he has to race against the clock or his manager gets a lethal injection on the field. Brimford's mother-in-law is emasculating him.

Episode 5: Extra Killings

It's the longest game of the season and Arrows are dropping like flies. Who's killing everyone? Pitching coach Al Jeffers has a theory, but that long walk to the pitcher's mound may take away those precious seconds he needs.

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