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Late-Working NASA Scientists Discover Moons Over My Hammy

ARROYO, TX—The science world is reacting with lip-smacking satisfaction to the news that a three-man team of NASA scientists stationed at the Hutchins Observatory in Arroyo discovered a delicious and economical new taste phenomenon late Tuesday night—the so-called "Moons Over My Hammy" breakfast combo.

Scientists at NASA's Astronomical Body Research Laboratory in Houston study gas chromatography analysis of the newly discovered breakfast combo.

"My colleagues and I believe that the discovery of the Moons Over My Hammy represents a major breakthrough in the field of affordable-yet-hearty breakfast-food items. And it is not just for breakfast: This meal, unlike the vast majority of those known to modern science, boasts 24-hour-a-day availability," Hutchins Observatory director Dr. Nathan H. Schenk told an international assemblage of astronomers at a press conference in the parking lot of Denny's restaurant #69854 in Arroyo, where the discovery was made. "I can assure you all that we will continue to pursue additional research into this phenomenon with great gusto."

As with many important scientific advances, Schenk said that serendipity played a major role in the discovery of the Moons. While working late preparing spectrographic analyses of gaseous emissions surrounding the ME241 neutron-star cluster, Schenk and his two assistants noticed that they had gone several hours beyond their normally scheduled refueling window and were beginning to succumb to a low-energy state of food-deprivation, or "hunger."

Though a preliminary scan suggested that all eateries in the immediate vicinity were in an overnight dormant, or "closed," state, evidence gathered from the Arroyo Yellow Pages seemed to indicate the possible presence of a still-open, "24-hour" restaurant approximately four miles east-southeast of the observatory, near the intersection of Bryce Road and I-75.

Moons Over My Hammy <ul> <li>NASA officials jubilant, sated</li> <li>Science world calls findings "delicious"</li> <li>Breakfast item's price "not astronomical"</li> <li>Country ham, farm-fresh eggs</li> <li>Better 'N' Eggs® substitution available upon request</li> </ul>

Their hunger increasing, Schenk and his colleagues triangulated the Denny's location and boarded a car, voyaging to the establishment. Once there, they encountered firsthand evidence pointing to the existence of the previously undiscovered Moons.

"Through the careful collection of both written and photographic menu-based evidence, we began to form a loose sketch, if you will, of what the phenomenon might be like," Schenk said. "Based on this evidence, we postulated that the Moons Over My Hammy, with its unique blend of farm-fresh eggs and grade-A baked ham on grilled sourdough bread with choice of hash browns or french fries on the side, might possibly contain many of the complex carbohydrates, proteins and fatty acids necessary to sustain carbon-based life."

Deciding to investigate further, the research team put up its own money to acquire a Moons Over My Hammy specimen for firsthand observation and sampling. Additional nutritive data was gathered from the restaurant, including two large servings of orange juice, a "Scram Slam" platter, an Oriental chicken salad, and a seemingly "bottomless" pot of coffee that raises many questions modern science has yet to answer.

Upon taking readouts of the Moons Over My Hammy and transporting the uneaten portion of it back to the observatory in a Styrofoam "to-go" container for more in-depth lab analysis, the sated researchers finally announced their discovery to the world.

"After extensively examining the new Moons for myself," Schenk said, "I feel confident in saying that my taste buds have only one hypothesis: that I'll be coming back to Denny's for more of that wholesome, homemade-flavor goodness!"

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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

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