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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Latest Blake Griffin Dunk More Annoying Than Anything

LOS ANGELES—Players and fans alike are saying that Blake Griffin's latest dunk, while a solid, unstoppable one-handed jam, was actually more irritating than it was breathtaking or impressive. "Just the way he palmed the ball was, like, ‘Oh, I'm going to jump up with this and place it through the hoop now, ooh, look at me,’" said Lakers center Andrew Bynum, adding that the dunk was "probably going to come back to bug [him] all week at odd moments" until the playoffs started. "And the way he jumped? Tell me that wasn't the most aggravating jump you've seen since Reggie Miller was playing." Despite the generally acknowledged off-putting nature of Griffin's dunk, onlookers agreed Kobe Bryant was still the most annoying thing about the game.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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