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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Latest News Of Israeli-Palestinian Violence Makes Man Hungry For Falafel

PISCATAWAY, NJ—A CNN report on a suicide bombing in Tel Aviv put Piscataway resident Larry Zahn in the mood for a falafel sandwich Monday. "Oh, man, I could go for some falafel right about now," said Zahn, 41, watching footage of injured Israelis being loaded onto ambulances. "A big pita stuffed with falafel, hummus, lettuce, and lots of tahini sauce. And some dolmades on the side. Yeah." In January 2001, a CNN report on an Indian earthquake that killed 2,000 gave Zahn an intense craving for chicken biryani.

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