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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Lawyer Urged By Mother To Include Younger Brother In Murder Trial

BOSTON—According to family sources, 35-year-old defense attorney Mark Chaote received a call from his mother Thursday asking him to include his younger brother Jeremy, 28, in his next murder trial. “You know, your brother really looks up to you, and it would mean a lot to Jeremy if you just let him sit with you at the [defense counsel’s] table and look through some evidence,” said the concerned mother, adding that it would “make [her] really happy” if Chaote allowed his sibling to grill a few witnesses. “I bet if you asked ahead of time, you could even get him on the jury. If not, it would be nice if you could at least put him on the witness stand for a few minutes so he feels like he’s participating.” Reports confirmed Chaote later received a follow-up e-mail from his mother stating that unless she hears otherwise, she plans to drop Jeremy off at the courthouse early Friday morning.

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