adBlockCheck

Entertainment

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
End Of Section
  • More News

Lazy Event Planner Throws 'Bags Of Ice'–Themed Party

LOS ANGELES—Lacking the time, energy, or initiative to prepare anything better, Hollywood-based event planner Frankie Haines spent roughly 20 minutes last week organizing a 'Bags of Ice'–themed celebrity birthday bash. "I figure it makes sense: Parties and bags of ice, those are two things that go together," said Haines, describing his inspiration for the hastily created, half-million-dollar soiree, which will feature five massive columns of ice bags stacked throughout the space, ice bags leading up the driveway, and possibly an ice-bag sculpture centerpiece, "if there's time." "There's a pool, so we've got some bags of ice bobbing in there. We even stuffed some bags of ice into some clothes I found lying around and made ice-bag people. Perhaps not my finest work, but certainly good enough for David Hyde Pierce's 52nd birthday." The gala event will be followed immediately by a 'Bags of Water' after-party at the same location.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close