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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Least Popular Guy At House Party Really Hitting It Off With Dog

CHICAGO—Having failed to find a single person to have a meaningful conversation with, least popular party guest Paul Whitford is really hitting it off with the host’s dog, sources are confirming. “You’re my buddy,” Whitford said while sitting next to the dog on the couch, looking at him at eye level, and petting him as partygoers continued talking and laughing amongst themselves nearby. “You’ve been a very good boy with all these people walking around your house, but I bet you’re ready for them to get out of here, right? Yes, I bet you are. Good boy.” At press time, Whitford was reportedly flipping through a coffee table book after the dog became interested in another guest.

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