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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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LeBron James

Men's Basketball — Akron, Ohio

GDP Rank Among Olympic Nations If He Were Considered Own Country: 155/203

Heartwarming Background Story: Overcame being born without soul

Family: Compared to most Olympian parents, mother Gloria actually seems normal

Bad Habit: Sometimes, after particularly good game, forgets to thank self

Uplifting Olympic Moment: Bringing all the countries of the world together in a shared hatred of him

NEXT: Maya Moore

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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