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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Teacher Who Learns More From Her Students Than She Teaches Them Fired

Explaining that her statements indicated a failure to understand and implement the district’s goal of providing a comprehensive education to all children, Southwest High School officials reportedly fired ninth-grade history teacher Jennifer Steenman today after she was heard saying she learns more from her students than they do from her. Full article.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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LeBron James Admits Current USA Basketball Team Couldn't Beat 2012 Miami Heat

LONDON—In a stunning revelation, small forward LeBron James humbly conceded Tuesday that the current U.S. Olympic basketball team lacked the athleticism and talent to defeat the 2012 Miami Heat. "Team USA is solid, and we have some pretty good guys, like Kobe, Durant, and James, but there's no way we could possibly compete with James, Wade, Chalmers, Battier, and Bosh," said James, adding that the 2012 Miami Heat was loaded with too many superstars. "If we relied on LeBron, it might not be a blowout, I suppose. Still, the 2012 Miami Heat squad is the best of the best." James, who told reporters the U.S. basketball team had a coaching advantage over the Heat, struggled for several minutes trying to recall the name of Miami’s "shitty coach."

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