adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

LeBron James Admits Current USA Basketball Team Couldn't Beat 2012 Miami Heat

LONDON—In a stunning revelation, small forward LeBron James humbly conceded Tuesday that the current U.S. Olympic basketball team lacked the athleticism and talent to defeat the 2012 Miami Heat. "Team USA is solid, and we have some pretty good guys, like Kobe, Durant, and James, but there's no way we could possibly compete with James, Wade, Chalmers, Battier, and Bosh," said James, adding that the 2012 Miami Heat was loaded with too many superstars. "If we relied on LeBron, it might not be a blowout, I suppose. Still, the 2012 Miami Heat squad is the best of the best." James, who told reporters the U.S. basketball team had a coaching advantage over the Heat, struggled for several minutes trying to recall the name of Miami’s "shitty coach."

More from this section

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close