adBlockCheck

Recent News

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.

How To Combat Harassment Online

Online harassment is an increasingly contentious issue, with social media sites like Twitter and Reddit pressured to crack down on users’ abusive behavior. Here are The Onion’s tips for combating harassment online:

Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

A Timeline Of Trump’s Relationship With The Press

President-elect Donald Trump routinely insists that he is treated unfairly by the press, while many in the news industry have openly expressed how difficult it can be to report on him in today’s chaotic media environment. Here is a timeline of the major events that have shaped this relationship.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.
End Of Section
  • More News

LeBron James - Already An NBA Champion Of Friendship

Professional Basketball Player

The biggest name in sports in 2010 was basketball phenomenon LeBron James, who proved what an amazing friend he is this summer by leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers to join his best buddies and fellow All-Stars Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh in South Beach. And, while the sports world may be obsessed with how many championships the high-powered Heat can win, it is abundantly clear that, no matter what happens, 25-year-old LeBron James is already an all-time NBA Champion of Friendship.

After all, LeBron James knows that having good friends and keeping close ties—being a Most Valuable Pal, if you will—is the most important thing of all. Which is why, out of every franchise in the NBA, he chose the one team that would give him the best chance of winning a lifetime of memories: the Miami Heat. Even though his new team is packed with superstar-level talent, is managed by five-time NBA champion Pat Riley, has every ingredient needed to win on an unprecedented scale for the next decade, and is located in a glamorous market with no income tax, that all comes second for LeBron James, who already has the greatest prize of all: amigos. Super amigos. Better amigos, even, than those he had in Cleveland, the city he once promised and then failed to deliver a championship to.

Whether this Miami Heat team wins big or buckles under the weight of enormous expectations—just as LeBron James has every year of his career thus far—it will hardly matter to the NBA's all-time leader in hugs and being-a-super-awesome-bud. Because for LeBron James, it isn't about the rings. It's about slam-dunking a great hang-out session and boxing out the bad times with the two greatest friends and Olympic-level talents that an elite, once-in-a-generation athlete desperately in need of postseason validation could ask for.

So let's hear it for LeBron James—and let's hear it for friendship!

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close