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Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
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LeBron James Celebrates Basket History Month

CLEVELAND—Cavaliers forward LeBron James held a press conference Tuesday to announce that he had begun his annual observance of Basket History Month, urging others to honor the significant contributions baskets have made in their own commemorative way. "Unfortunately, many people today, especially young people, don't realize that if it wasn't for all of the pioneer baskets that came before us, we wouldn't even have the sport of basketball today," James told reporters, suggesting that Americans can learn more about the achievements of baskets by visiting their local library. "The ball gets an awful lot of credit, but without the basket we celebrate all February, there would be no place put the ball." James added that when he was not celebrating the accomplishments of baskets, he would hold numerous moments of silence during this month's games to honor the sacrifices made by baskets that have gone before and to keep their memory alive.

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MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

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