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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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LeBron James Considering Quitting Basketball, Joining Cast Of SNL

NEW YORK—Following a recent game in New York, Cleveland Cavaliers forward and league MVP LeBron James confessed his desire to quit basketball and pursue a career as a cast member of Saturday Night Live. "As a kid, I was just so inspired by unbelievable performances from guys like Chris Kattan and Cheri Oteri," said James as he went into a diatribe on what makes Mango "as classic as The Festrunk Brothers," the Steve Martin and Dan Akroyd routine better known as "Two Wild and Crazy Guys." "When I hosted earlier this season, I could see the current Weekend Update team of Seth [Myers] and Amy [Poehler] could definitely use some help, and the least I could do is punch it up with a few characters and commentaries I've been working on. Plus, they need someone to play Obama." James later admitted that during away games to Chicago, he has been one of dozens of athletes secretly taking improvisation and sketch-writing classes at The Second City.

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