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LeBron James Considering Quitting Basketball, Joining Cast Of SNL

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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LeBron James Considering Quitting Basketball, Joining Cast Of SNL

NEW YORK—Following a recent game in New York, Cleveland Cavaliers forward and league MVP LeBron James confessed his desire to quit basketball and pursue a career as a cast member of Saturday Night Live. "As a kid, I was just so inspired by unbelievable performances from guys like Chris Kattan and Cheri Oteri," said James as he went into a diatribe on what makes Mango "as classic as The Festrunk Brothers," the Steve Martin and Dan Akroyd routine better known as "Two Wild and Crazy Guys." "When I hosted earlier this season, I could see the current Weekend Update team of Seth [Myers] and Amy [Poehler] could definitely use some help, and the least I could do is punch it up with a few characters and commentaries I've been working on. Plus, they need someone to play Obama." James later admitted that during away games to Chicago, he has been one of dozens of athletes secretly taking improvisation and sketch-writing classes at The Second City.

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