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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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LeBron James Encourages NBA To Stop Jumping In Honor Of Michael Jordan

WASHINGTON—Prior to Wednesday's game against the Washington Wizards, Cleveland Cavaliers all-star LeBron James announced that he would stop jumping during professional basketball games in order to properly honor recent Hall of Fame inductee Michael Jordan. "MJ jumped a lot. It was his signature. When players jump in this league, whether for a tip-off, a jump shot, or a layup, they're basically copying what Michael Jordan did when he would propel himself upward and lift both feet off the ground," James told reporters in a press conference in which he asked other players to join him in the ground-staying-on tribute. "The fact of the matter is, without MJ changing the game by making his body go up into the air, us young guys wouldn't even know what jumping is." James later scored 38 points against the last-place Wizards with his feet flat on the floor.

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