HELENA, MT—Continuing his lengthy trek around the league, sources confirmed Friday that 36-year-old journeyman fan Brian Ferretti has joined the Arizona Cardinals, his sixth team in the past five years.
CLEVELAND—According to official NBA statisticians, Cavs phenom LeBron James is currently on pace to be the youngest NBA player in history to reach the age of 22. "If James continues to age at this rate, the young forward will turn 22 on December 30 of this year," said Cavaliers public-relations director Amanda Mercado, who noted that NBA legends Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, and Kobe Bryant and "several others" currently hold this record, having all turned 22 at the exact same age. "We're confident that 'King James' can rise to this challenge and set yet another mark that experts once thought to be utterly impossible." Some NBA analysts who have kept track of James' temporal progress have speculated that James might skip his 23rd year altogether and go straight to 24.