LeBron James Says Complicated Enrollment Form Prevented Him From Signing Up For Slam Dunk Contest

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Vol 46 Issue 03

Air America Ceases Operations

As of Thursday, liberal radio network Air America stopped all live programming and announced it was filing for Chapter 7 bankruptcy. What do...

Lane Kiffin Leaves USC For Dream Job At GameStop

LOS ANGELES—During his introductory press conference as USC's new head coach last Wednesday, Lane Kiffin told reporters that he would be leaving the school indefinitely to pursue his dream of working at GameStop.

Good-Looking One Not Working Today

BROOKLYN, NY—Coffee shop patron Justin Burke was disappointed by the Good-Looking One's absence, and admitted that he initially mistook the One With The Slightly Off Face for the Good-Looking One, but quickly realized his error once she turned around.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

LeBron James Says Complicated Enrollment Form Prevented Him From Signing Up For Slam Dunk Contest

CLEVELAND—Though Cavaliers forward LeBron James stated last year that he fully intended to participate in the 2010 Slam Dunk Contest, the NBA All-Star told reporters Monday that a complicated enrollment form prevented him from signing up. "One of the questions asked me to list any dependents I might have," said a visibly confused James, adding that, while he completed the portion of the form asking what type of dunks he would perform, he was unable to provide the information required on how long each of his dunks would take and how many degrees they would be in total. "I put down my mom as a dunking emergency contact in case I got hurt, but they said the contact had to live in the Dallas area. And what did it mean when it said I could e-file the form?" Defending slam-dunk champion Nate Robinson once again successfully enrolled in the competition, saying that he hires a team of attorneys every year to help him fill out his paperwork.

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