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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Lee Corso Starting To Feel Weird At College Parties

BATON ROUGE, LA—In town with College GameDay for a matchup between No. 1 Alabama and No. 15 LSU, 72-year-old Lee Corso felt awkward as he was surrounded by college students for the first time in his life during a rally thrown by a local fraternity. "God, look at them; they're so young," observed Corso, clutching a red plastic Solo cup filled with Coors Light while huddled in a crowded basement corner with cohosts Chris Fowler and Kirk Herbstreit. "I saw a group of girls come in here that, I swear to God, they looked like they were 13 years old. I mean, they're acting nice enough, taking pictures with me and everything, but come on." Finally unable to bear it any longer, Corso retired to the College GameDay bus and fell asleep while reading his book.

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