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Impressive New Hire Figures Out Bare Minimum Of Work Job Requires On First Day

MILWAUKEE—Marveling at his extraordinary ability to learn the ropes at the technology firm and quickly fit right in with the rest of his colleagues, sources at Starpoint Solutions confirmed Thursday that impressive new hire Eric Myers has already figured out the bare minimum of work his job requires on the very first day.

Everything Taking Too Long

WASHINGTON—Between eye rolls, sighs, and repeated glances at wall clocks, the majority of Americans are reporting that the nation badly needs to pick up the pace.
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