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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Legendary Trainer Accidentally Grooms Young Boxer To Be Racing Horse

BROOKLYN, NY—Michael Timm, a towering figure in the cloistered world of professional boxing trainers, admitted Wednesday that, through a series of mistakes, he had trained up-and-coming bantamweight Royce Hamanolosa (14-1) to be a racehorse. "I guess I was concentrating on speed work too much… I had him running half-miles for a month and working the speed bag, then three-eighths of a mile on grass and working a nose bag, then galloping a mile every other day before being curry-combed," Timm told reporters. "I take full responsibility, and I thank God that someone realized what was happening just before Royce broke his leg." Hamanalosa forgave Timm for his errors, saying that in many ways he was "in the best shape of his life" and that his victory at Santa Anita now allowed him to demand a six-figure stud fee.

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