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Social Situations

How To Throw The Perfect Surprise Party

A surprise party is a nice gesture for a friend or family member, but pulling one off requires careful planning and commitment. Here are The Onion’s tips for throwing a surprise party:

Weird Relative At Family Reunion Knows How Everyone Related To Each Other

WELDON SPRING, MO—Saying she possessed a seemingly limitless wealth of information on various cousins, step-siblings, and in-laws, sources at the 2016 Webb family reunion this past weekend confirmed that weird relative Susan Amos, 73, exhibited a strikingly intricate knowledge of how everyone was related to each other.

Wedding Guest Etiquette Tips

Attending a wedding comes with its own set of social graces. The Onion provides a list of basic rules of etiquette for being a polite, congenial wedding guest

Man With No Plans Just Too Exhausted To Go Out

NORFOLK, VA—Cracking open a beer and settling into his couch Saturday night, local man Martin Burfette, who had no previously scheduled plans for the evening nor invitations to attend a social gathering of any kind, confirmed that he was simply too ...
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Social Situations

Less Popular Friend Proposes Combining Birthdays Into Single Party

LOUISVILLE, KY—Saying it would be fun to have everyone together in the same place, local man David Coughlin reportedly proposed combining his birthday party with that of his far more popular friend, sources confirmed Tuesday. “I know my birthday’s a couple weeks after yours, but maybe it’d be cool if we just threw one huge bash together,” said Coughlin, who, without assistance from his more gregarious friend Ryan Whatley, would only have been able to scrape together a mere handful of acquaintances for a celebration dedicated solely to himself. “I feel like our guest lists probably overlap a ton, so people won’t have to worry about making it out to two separate parties. Besides, if we pool our money together, maybe we could even rent out a bar or something.” At press time, Coughlin was enthusiastically proposing that they even make the combined party kind of a yearly tradition.

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Man With No Plans Just Too Exhausted To Go Out

NORFOLK, VA—Cracking open a beer and settling into his couch Saturday night, local man Martin Burfette, who had no previously scheduled plans for the evening nor invitations to attend a social gathering of any kind, confirmed that he was simply too ...

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