‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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Liberal Activists Encourage Citizens To Call Their Late-Night Hosts And Urge Them To Oppose Tax Plan

WASHINGTON—Saying it was time for people to pick up their phones and let themselves be heard, liberal activist Adam Kramer encouraged citizens Friday to call their late-night hosts and urge them to oppose the new GOP tax plan. “Okay, everyone, start dialing and let your talk show hosts know they have an obligation to come out against this new tax proposal,” said Kramer in a Facebook post, providing the phone numbers for Last Week Tonight, Full Frontal, and The Late Show so that progressives could explain why the shows should firmly oppose the proposed plan. “We must band together to put pressure on the entertainers who can effect real change and let them know that we’re looking to them to put a stop to this grotesque redistribution of wealth to the upper class.” At press time, the activists were optimistic but said it wasn’t over until all the monologues were tallied.

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