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Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Liberals Horrified By Lack Of Inexperience Among Obama Appointees

WASHINGTON—Following Barack Obama's appointment to his cabinet of several veteran Clinton administration officials and a number of others with extensive backgrounds in their respective fields, former left-wing supporters of the new president expressed shock and outrage at the combined experience and competence of his choices.

"What we want in a cabinet is the same thing we want in a president: people who spout rhetoric about universal health care, say they were against the war from the start, and have absolutely no experience implementing any policies," influential liberal blogger Chris Bowers wrote in a post criticizing the nomination of former deputy attorney general Eric Holder for attorney general. "As we sink deeper into a global economic recession and fight the battle against climate change, it is imperative that Obama nominate people who have no idea how to wield power in our massive federal bureaucracy." Bowers added that liberal Democrats would be comforted if Obama at least changed his mind and decided to name the 34-year-old Bowers or a blogger from Daily Kos secretary of homeland security.

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