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Teacher Who Learns More From Her Students Than She Teaches Them Fired

Explaining that her statements indicated a failure to understand and implement the district’s goal of providing a comprehensive education to all children, Southwest High School officials reportedly fired ninth-grade history teacher Jennifer Steenman today after she was heard saying she learns more from her students than they do from her. Full article.

Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Library Of Congress Completes Destruction Of 70 Million Works Deemed Culturally Insignificant

WASHINGTON—Explaining that it had selected the pieces because of their lack of any intellectual, historic, or aesthetic value, the Library of Congress reportedly completed destruction Friday of 70 million works deemed culturally insignificant. “Following an exhaustive six-year audit of our collection, we determined that nearly half the books, recordings, films, photographs, and manuscripts in our archives were of such little consequence to the cultural canon that they were worthy of complete eradication from the American consciousness,” said Librarian of Congress Carla Hayden, explaining that institution officials had, as of this morning, finished incinerating the final batch of meaningless creations, including 15 tons of outdated medical texts, hundreds of 19th-century telegraph line maps, and the 2010 motion picture The Last Airbender, in order to ensure they were not preserved for future generations. “In some cases, such as our vast troves of military march sheet music and photographic negatives of rural Americans quilting, works were selected for destruction based on their lack of artistic merit, while others, like Styx’s The Serpent Is Rising and the movie sequel Grease 2, represent the nadir of a particular historical era. Wiping out these terrible pieces is vitally important to maintaining our proud, rich cultural heritage.” Hayden added that the Library of Congress did elect to preserve the film Con Air, which the board members guiltily admitted they still like to watch, even if it is kind of shitty.

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