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Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Library Of Congress Adds 3 Titles To List Of Films That Should Be Destroyed Forever

WASHINGTON—The Library of Congress announced this year's selections for the National Film Incineration Project on Tuesday, naming three titles it had chosen to permanently eradicate for the sake of future generations. "As an institution tasked with the preservation of our nation's cultural heritage, it is with a sense of profound responsibility that we commit these works to the flames," NFIP president Lawrence Feldman said as workers shoveled every known copy of Hollow Man 2, Nights In Rodanthe, and Rock Star into a furnace burning at 6,000 degrees Fahrenheit. "I'd like to thank our librarians for their painstaking work combing thrift stores for VHS tapes and personally deleting every known digital version of these unremarkable films." Observers said this year's list was smaller than those of years past, mainly because Feldman reportedly believes that Surviving The Game and A Knight's Tale are both actually pretty entertaining and underrated.

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