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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Libyans Agree To Come Up With Something For Qaddafi To Do All Day In Exchange For Him Leaving

TRIPOLI—In an act of reciprocity they called "vital to the future of our nation," the leaders of the rebel uprising in Libya said this week they would come up with something for 68-year-old dictator Muammar Qaddafi to do all day if he agrees to relinquish power. "He's the kind of person who always needs to be busy or else he goes completely stir-crazy, so we'd be willing to find some sort of hobby for him if he consents to leave and let our nation move forward," said rebel leader Ibrahim Aldaali, adding that his group had already secured a large collection of crossword puzzles, a small vegetable garden, and a fleet of old cars for the Libyan leader to tinker with should he finally step down. "The man just needs a project. If he could direct his energy toward something more constructive, maybe he'd discover he doesn't have to spend his whole life subjugating people beneath the iron fist of a despotic regime." At press time, rebels were also considering getting Qaddafi in touch with restless former Tunisian president Zine el-Abidine Ben Ali and having the two men build a chest of drawers together.

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