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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Lie To Cover Surprise Party Sounds More Fun Than Surprise Party

HOPATCONG, NJ—A lie told to 28-year-old Kyle Bida to cover up a surprise birthday party to be held in his honor later this evening sounds a lot more fun than the actual party will be. "Why don't you come over to my place to play Xbox and drink a few beers?" said best friend Louis Welles, leading Bida to believe he might have an enjoyable, relaxing evening rather than one spent making forced small talk with coworkers and a few cousins he doesn't see that often. "And don't forget to dress up a little bit, man. We're going to hit the bars later." Though Bida is doomed to an evening far inferior to the one described to him by Welles, most of the guests will likely leave early, using excuses that are more boring than what they actually plan to do.

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