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President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

CINCINNATI—Calling it the perfect choice for consumers looking to add some tartness to their laundry, Procter and Gamble on Tuesday unveiled a new sour apple Tide detergent pod.

The iPhone Turns 10

A decade ago today, Apple released the iPhone and revolutionized the way humans use technology. Here’s a look back at the evolution of the iPhone:

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.
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Life Choices Leading Area Man To Career In Self-Storage

ATHENS, GA—Unbeknownst to struggling sculptor Thomas Cleary, 28, several of his life choices are inevitably leading him closer to a career in the self-storage industry. "I wanted to focus more on my art, so I moved into a cheaper place in this neighborhood full of old warehouses," said Cleary, whose now lives conveniently close to Strobel's Mini-Storage and—because of his decisions to withdraw from college in 1999 and break off an engagement last year—will eventually apply for a job there. "Hopefully I'll save enough on rent to pay back what I owe [ex-fiancée] Susan. I'll probably still need to find a way to supplement my income, though." Although Cleary is powerless to avoid his future occupation, he will quickly be promoted to manager thanks to his preternatural ability to hand out metal keys.

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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

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